"Your Kindness Might Be Weakness"
Reading this book, I came across a story that goes like this: the wife checks the itinerary, looks for travel tips, and books a hotel to visit a nice pier. Upon arrival, they find it too crowded and end up waiting in line for several hours. Her husband complains, saying, "What a terrible pier, how is this itinerary arranged?" He starts verbally attacking her, and as a result, the wife feels guilty and self-blaming about the situation, making her less inclined to travel.
I remember before, my daughter asked me, "Why is our family so poor?"
I was quite puzzled at first; I thought it was because we didn't have a four-wheeled vehicle?
Or was it because we eat too little and too frugally?
On the way, I didn't say too many harsh words,
but when we got home, I did say a few harsh things.
Children don't despise their mothers for being ugly, and dogs don't despise their families for being poor.
You're not even as good as a little dog.
The child started to cry.
The child's mother also came back,
and I said, "Don't listen to your mom complaining about being poor every day,
saying that Dad earns little, as if he's worthless."
The child's mother realized the root of the problem,
and began to explain why looking poor actually has its reasons.
The child's mother checked the second child's homework a bit more,
One day, the second child came to me for homework checking,
I pointed out the mistakes, and the second child said my IQ isn't high, and my EQ isn't high either,
so I must have made a mistake and asked me to take another look.
I smiled wryly, thinking that the child's mother's nagging has a significant impact.
Every day, she belittles others to boost her own self-esteem.
It's also my fault for being too humble before.
The stories I told were all funny and mischievous things.
The child thinks that his dad is indeed a fool.
Can a fool + a poor guy marry your mother?
I started to change my persona a bit, a top student in elementary school, participated in various teams,
mainly showcasing my academic and athletic achievements, which I used to talk about often but now don't.
I have been selected for various competitions.
The child's mother also helped to speak up.
The child began to take things seriously.
The phrase "Wife is the leader," I never took seriously.
It turns out the trick lies here.
The influence of pillow talk and constant nagging is evident.
A little boasting in front of the child does have some benefits.
After all, people without much insight still prefer those who appear stronger on the surface.
The book introduces many leaders who also use this management style,
though it's crude and intolerant, it is indeed effective.
For trivial matters, they start to insult you, saying you lack ability and can't even handle such small tasks.
This creates a sense of guilt and indebtedness, ultimately leading you to obey your leader.
This is actually something your leader learned from their parents; in most cases, it's like this.
The saying "A filial son emerges under the stick" reflects how such upbringing shapes behavior.
Another extreme of this behavior is that such people have few friends.
Leaders who frequently criticize others often eat alone; when everyone meets, it's just a greeting.
They feel they have a strong sense of boundaries, and everyone dares not offend them.
For example, if there's a puddle ahead and you remind such a person, their reaction is: "Do you think I'm blind, or do you think I'm stupid?" Your kind reminder is perceived as an insult, a belittlement. Their mindset is that it's either you belittling me or me belittling you; there's a hierarchy between us.
The best situation is to avoid them, like quitting a job without notice, or if that doesn't work, to confront them directly. Arguing, fighting, and re-establishing boundaries.
This book is indeed good. It's worth a read. It will supplement your thinking patterns. You will understand why a person behaves the way they do; after all, everyone grows up in different environments, learns at different times, views the world differently, and handles problems in various ways.